rockit.

DRIVE

OK guys this is going to be a weird post...

It's 11:58AM right now, in Argentina. Currently sitting in the room of a hotel in the extremely beautiful city of Córdoba, where co-faci/mc Juanma is giving a session on Effective Presentations. What a mixed bag of feelings right now.

Along with the stress and anxiousness of facilitating conferences, this is the last day I will be spending with my fellow AIESECers, the Argentineans and everyone that I know here in this country. I don't know how to explain the feeling of dancing for the last time with some of the coolest people I know at 5:30AM but what I do know is that I'm extremely motivated, tired as hell, scared, nervous, really effing happy, and trying not to cry - all at the same time.

It's probably - it's actually the worst time to write a blog now, with a million and a half things to do for the last 5 hour of this conference... but for some reason although nearly trembling I feel like I need to write down this amazing and horrible moment of my life.

Before leaving on my CEED, I wasn't afraid of not being able to adapt; I'm a fairly flexible person. The one thing I had most feared was missing everything and everyone back home. What I had concluded about myself was actually quite right - I had adapted extremely well into the society, the AIESEC culture, the life here. But right now, what I was before doesn't seem quite the same. At this moment, what I fear the most is simply seeing familiarity. I can't envision the feeling I'll have of sitting on my bed, hearing native North American English everywhere... riding the TTC... speaking at a normal speed where everyone would understand me... I can't, thinking about it already makes me uncomfortable. Has reverse-culture shock already started? or is it because I've been giving so many of these culture shock sessions that I'm expecting it?

At the same time I can't say that I don't want to leave, but I can't say that I want to either. I'm just not ready. This CEED was supposed to end gradually - having a day to pack, having a few days to shop around for stuff to bring home, seeing everyone for the last time, but no - no! Plans, as I said in the last post, never fuckign work out, and this CEED ended on such a high note I'm just not even ready to leave yet. Starting to get really close and used to my room-mates/the MC, packing for 3 months of life in 2 hours - a result of finding out I'll be faci'ing this leadership role conference only a few days before it... this conference... getting on the nst in southern cone - holy shit, talk about lack of buildup.

It's like a dump truck emptying sand in a pit - super quick and it'll be empty before you know it. It's so unfair. Why are most of the highlights happening at the end of this experience? Too bad for me... all I can do is to move forward and just continue to DRIVE...

posted by Irene @ 10:57:00 AM